unspool and crystallize

the little random and spontaneous things

A letter you wouldn’t even read

To the guy that came at the wrong time,

I liked you from day one.

I liked you from the moment you introduced yourself, the way you appeared nonchalant about getting to know you’s. I liked how you squeezed some time into grabbing some munchkin donuts when I said I was hungry, even if you were in a rush. I liked how you ended your sentences with a comma followed by my name, when acknowledging me with your eyes was far from enough. I liked how you were effortlessly loved by our mutual friends. I liked how you were so carefree and how you always accomplish things by winging them but ace them anyway. I liked how you remembered snippets of myself like how I loved cats, how I hated tomatoes but loved tomato-based pastas.

Most of all, I liked how we clicked right from the start. I didn’t need to build up walls around me and all I had to do was freely open my mouth for my thoughts to connect with yours.

But we couldn’t be and we wouldn’t be. 

But you could be and would be…with her.

Fate’s inevitable naughty interplay in our lives got me thinking all about the what if’s. For the meantime, you are just a memory kept in the deepest crevices of my mind.

Zee

 

 

Sepia

Fragments of memories
Are squeezed in between pages –

Good luck wishes with your curvy handwriting
The tiny flowers you picked
The balloon you drew on the box of your birth month-

And although it’s only been months,
They appear sepia toned to me.

Apologies and Gratitude

Dear You,

     I’m sorry to be the one to end this. But you have to know that I loved you and never learned to hate you. You were the perfect one – the type who left sunflowers in the passenger seat as I open the door for shotgun; the one who stayed up late to hear my nonsensical rants; the one who was always on the other end of the phone when I couldn’t sleep. The one who was there for me anytime, anywhere.

     When you do find somebody else, memories of us will linger on and maybe obscure your feelings towards her. But please do make new memories. She might be a girl who loves to play in the rain. A girl who’s up for spontaneous, 2 AM adventures. A girl who barges into crowded, noisy places without getting restless. A girl who would be up for anything – everything I am and was not. 

     When you do become someone else’s other half, I’ll cheer you on with the optimum enthusiasm I can give off. You would buy a bouquet of her favorite flowers (roses, perhaps?) and would pull off your special talent of surprising people with your exceptional creativity. On her worst days, she would go home only to find a box of chocolates by her doorstep. You would brighten up her ordinary routine by sneaking in tiny cards with messages. She would tease you at how cheesy you are, but deep inside she is happy.

     Sorry it had to turn out this way but remember that you were a great, selfless one. You have been words, sentences, paragraphs, and chapters of my book. You have  molded me to become stronger. I learned a lot from you, and from us. I will forever be grateful for you.

Thank you for everything. 

ZEE

Space

Like constellations at night
You are a link, a connection, a chain
But like the scattered lights
You are just a speck of effort to sustain

Loneliness creeps into the blanket of indigo
So you wait for the sun to ablaze the day
To replace what the moon cannot bestow
The scintillation you wish to play

But when the sun gleams
You are inconspicuous
Invisible in the vast white stream
Yet still conscious

So as reserved as you may be
As you claim your limit to a sparkle
You are a glow to me
Forever  star I would marvel

7th of June

7th of June, Breakfast — Woke up single, alone with my book and egg benedict on the bedside table.

7th of June, 2 PM — You picked me up. I took shotgun and comfortably transformed into the quirky me on the passenger seat.

7th of June, Dinner — You held my hand as we waited for our order in a Japanese cuisine. Awkward chopsticks, substantial talks, and happy tummies.

7th of June, 8 PM — You asked, I answered. I became yours.

7th of June, Bedtime — Hugging my pillow and smiling sheepishly, I drift off to sleep; this time, taken.

Professional (in the far future)

People swarming towards the white hallways

A glint of sunlight play with a pair of circular specs

And that’s how I spot you;

And apparently you’ve marked me on, too.

Right foot, left foot.

Walking with your leather shoes on

White polo tucked in

Your sleeves folded a tad bit messily

Right foot, left foot.

Your white coat dangling lazily on your arm

Stethoscope locked around your neck

Yet temptation strikes me to tousle your unkempt hair

Right foot, left foot, right, left, right left

Our eyes meet, but we stand parallel

And never do we intersect

Your cocky smirk and my coy smile

Our tiny secret mornings no one knows.

 

Dream

The beauty of dreams is that they appear real and yet obscured. You’ve only got snippets to remember but they still have the substance to make reality seem like a joke.

 

Solace in Solitude

Doors are shut closed
But the chains are not enough
Unlocked stealthily by intruders;
I’m masked with smiles
They see me, yet they don’t

To them it’s nothing,
To me, it’s something
When I say ‘no’, they seem to hear ‘yes’
When I flash red, they speed off with the green

So I walk alone
But never too alone, but never through the crowd
Alone with my thoughts, alone in my world
To find solace in solitude.

With You

I want to go cafe hopping with you. We could visit adorable sweets parlors, too. Even if you’re not part of the sweet tooth population,  I’m absolutely certain that you would be up for it. We would be talking over a cup of caramel macchiato  with a cheesecake resting on my plate and a Parmesan bacon sandwich resting on yours. We would talk about anything and everything – college, plans, cats, and whatnot – and have occasional conversations with subtle glances and hushed tones. When the sky paints itself with gradients of indigo and pink, we would walk to a park and I would take photos of all the random things that people take for granted; and perhaps I’d discreetly take a shot of you. We would watch kids play in the sandbox, an old man jogging his belly off, a woman sighing in her perfect suit. We would play the guessing game and make up stories of their lives. Oh! There would be cats too, and we would befriend them and receive purrs as we earn their trust. When the sky begins to glitter, it’s time for star gazing. But it also means it’s time to go home. So you drive your car as I sit on the passenger’s seat. We talk about how great of a day it was and laugh as we share snippets of our little adventure. Once we reach my gate, you would say,  “It was a good day.” I would reply, “It was a good day, indeed.”  “Goodnight.”

I want to do all these with you.

Goodbye

Our every day hallway split ups at 2:15 PM
The Fridays when I close the gate
The split second glance I take when I leave your car
The ocean between us during Christmas
And the nights when I close my eyes

You are the first to make it so hard to let out a “goodbye” from my mouth.